I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
