well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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