i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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