reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize