Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
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