Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
