I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
