So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They have beer where we have blood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
