i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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