there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
