The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
