Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
