My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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