Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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