Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
