my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
