Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
