I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
