I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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