Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize