need another drink. this is the easiest way
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
