i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
