Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize