C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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