I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I look better un-naked...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
