Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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