absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize