He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
