Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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