Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she peed on how many people?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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