i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
