Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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