Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
