Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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