you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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