im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think i got beer on your cat.
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