and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
