he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
