We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
