the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
