Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
