3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
...so i touched it.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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