I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
