Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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