do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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