I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
