we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
