the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize