This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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