I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
