I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
