he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize