im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize