508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
