I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
