After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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