Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
