so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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