When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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