He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
