i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize