this boner is exhausting
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
