I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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